| lost the control... |
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12:08am 23/05/2008 |
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Hey hey, hope everyone is doing ok?
Iv not been on here since christmas time...i got lost. Im struggling and need help, im confused, im stuck in a 'fat rut'.
Over the past few months iv been up and down with my weight, im now the exact weight i was when i first joined this site last year. all my stats are in my journal...please feel free to check out anything iv wrote and offer advice etc...:)
Im exhausted with trying and failing and trying some more...
I want help, i want to make some friends who understand.
I want to be in control.
Mwah mwah xxx
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Read 1 - Post - Add to Memories - Tell a Friend - Link
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| a poem i wrote... |
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07:38pm 26/11/2007 |
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why cant i see it?
the water in the toilet pan,
stained with a disgusting smell,
the colour of acid,
the sight blind to the eyes,
why cant i see it?
its all day everyday,
that my eyes decieve me,
its all day everyday,
that my mind deprives me,
why cant i see it?
the little men in my head,
playing mind games with my thoughts,
my pain inflicted body,
the figure in the mirror, bones instead of flesh,
cant think of anything much thinner,
god i may as well be dead,
why cant i see it?
the line of least resistance,
the refusal of food, to disgourge,
the words beautiful and myself do not mix,
why cant i see it?
the only way to describe this formidable disease,
is to understand how a fish could survive in a desert,
so the real question is, can anybody see it?
written by me a few years ago...tell me what you think! xx
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Post - Add to Memories - Tell a Friend - Link
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| tut... |
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07:33pm 26/11/2007 |
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Hey peeps, hope everyone is doing better than me...ive been drinking so much lately, and also i had a big smoke with my friends last night and ate soooo much because of it....urrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
i hate the way that every day is different and you never know when you wake up if it gonna be a good or bad day......i just wish for once i could have a long row of good ones to get me back on track, i wish i could loose just a few pounds to let myself know this is working, i am in control and everything will be ok....
i wish i wish i wish.............
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| bad hangover but good day!! |
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05:45pm 23/11/2007 |
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Hey guys... hope your all doing ok. It was my boyfriends birthday yesterday...we made up thankgod :) went out last night and got quite drunk but i didnt eat a thing yesterday....
well today is going well to up to now ive not had a bite either...its 5.50pm ish...im not hungry at all...i cant weigh myself tho, my scales broke....yes...while i was on them as im sooo heavy.... hope everyone is having just as good a day as me, if not dont let it get you down....tomorrow is a better day, the day after that could be even better....
mwah mwah xx
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| urrrrrrrrgh! |
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03:15am 22/11/2007 |
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Its 3.20am, my boyfriends birthday and he just stormed out as i didnt wanna get undressed in front of him cus i thought i looked fat...... I feel so bad, im angry at myself...i just want to cry and it dont help that im starving hungry....i wish i could get a hug :[......
hope everything is going ok with all you guys...mwah mwah xx
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Read 3 - Post - Add to Memories - Tell a Friend - Link
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| WEDNESDAYS.... |
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02:58pm 21/11/2007 |
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wednesdays are my fav days....i get the day off uni, i get to sleep in, laze around and just chill :].... but still i feel crappy....
if i were 6ft i would be happy....but im not im 5ft3 and look real fat, with huge love handles and flab...
im bored...i just got into a relationship with a guy i really like but im so paranoid...my thourght are always in overload thinking "what if he thinks im fat?"...and everyother thought a girl gets...
urrrrrrrgh!!!!!! im sooo hungry too....all the time... i want to forget what hunger feels like....i want to be able to eat without purging...
i really wish i could take a pill to keep me alive, and not eat...food scares me so much...the butterflies in my stomach are immense...
i dont actually know what im writing about here! just saying what comes into my head....
if anyone has any tips to make me feel better please share them, and any cool diet plans etc...
best of luck people....over and out xx mood:  cold music: mr hudson and the library |
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| ITS ALL NEW... |
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01:16am 21/11/2007 |
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Ay up...
I just made this account, here is a bit about me...feel free to add me/message me...
I have had ana/mia since i was 10, i am now 22...im stuck in a world that differs from me...i am scared to eat. im waiting in the waiting room of life and nothing has moved/changed/stoped...
I want to make friends on here so i have people to talk to...ana/mia is not everyday talk for everyday people...i need somewhere to escape to...
My stats:
HW: 126
LW:75
CW:104
GW1:98
GW2:85
The picture on my profile is of me...taken on the 21st Nov. 07...
well ill leave it there for now...
mwah mwah xx
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dandelion22's journal